The number one emotion expressed by caregivers is guilt. We don’t feel like we can do it all. At times we may feel angry, confused or frustrated, and we feel it most of the time.

As loving children, we want to do all we can for our aging parents. How can we tell when we are under too much stress?

Stress can created trouble with sleeping or may make you get exhausted easily. Body fatigue makes it impossible to complete necessary daily tasks. Health problems begin to take their toll, both mentally and physically. You may hear yourself say, “I don’t care anymore.” Depression begins to break your spirit and affects our ability to cope.

What can caregivers do to relive some of this stress?

You should back away from the intensity and look for the positive things in your life. Show your love for your parents. Look for humor in the situation and find a way to laugh with your parents. When stress builds up, remember to use the ” one day at a time” technique. Recognize that caregiving responsibilities belong to all family members and share the load. The most important thing is to take care of you.

Of course all of the family members should help with the care of a parent, but what if you get no help from the rest of your family?

First, try to understand why. Are you too controlling or protective? Does everything have to be done your way? Talk to your family about your parent’s growing dependence, and ask for their advice before you ask for outside help. Welcome the help that each person offers, even if he/she does not live in the same local area. If your family still is not cooperating, seek out community resources such as a Geriatric Care Manager who can help coordinate and manage day-to-day and long-term support services.

What is a Geriatric Care Manager?

A Geriatric Care Manager is someone who can conduct assessments, crisis intervention, family conflict mediation, arranging homemaker services and transportation. A manager can locate assisted living options when your parent has to leave his/her home.

Information obtained from AARP and the Alzheimer’s Association

For more information call 553-3000 or toll-free (877) 553-3001 or email info@heartlandfamilyservice.org.

We want our relatives around us during this time, but sometimes that just adds to the stress. How can we make it easier?

Having relatives over can also add unwelcome stress on you, your spouse, and your family. Getting relatives together means more people in one space, so there is more chance for differing viewpoints and ideas. Try to plan ahead so there are no big surprises.

A few ideas for reducing stress are:

1. Make sure you have plenty of physical space for everyone to be comfortable in.
2. Consider going out for some meals, or ordering a delivery.
3. If a conflict with travel is involved, determine your family’s priorities. For example, is it more important to be with someone out of town or to spend the holiday at home? Can anyone adjust plans?
4. PUT YOUR FAMILY FIRST! At the same time, reach out to your significant others in a way that will show them they are important, too.

How do you keep your family first when there are so many other demands to take care of?

Schedule and talk about activities so the whole family knows what to expect. Keep routine activities consistent to provide stability—this is more important if you have young children, who usually thrive on routines. To strengthen your family bond, explore the cultural and spiritual traditions of your family.

If you have younger children, realize that they, also, need individual time. Let them feel they are a part of the festivities: give them easy things to do like decorating their rooms or making and wrapping gifts. For teenage children, be tolerant of their focus on friends instead of family. The teenage years are a normal time for them to begin establishing their own interests and traditions.

Families and holidays are a natural together. With a little planning and a little tolerance, you can enjoy the hubbub of the season!

For more information on stress and the holidays, call 553-3000 or toll-free (877) 553-3001 or email info@heartlandfamilyservice.org.